There's a baby in my belly and I don't know what to do - a poem

There’s a baby in my belly and I don’t know what to do

It seems like every ten minutes I need a trip to the loo

I spend all my spare time cooking up big meals

Eating every two hours is how I seem to spend the day

Onions and branflakes have went out of the equation

My diet out the window, its carbohydrates all the way

Nevermind these women showing off their tiny baby bumps online

Give me another bar of chocolate and don’t mention the lack of wine

My clothes are fit to bursting and we’re only in week twelve

My boobs are just ginormous, nevermind a new bra they need a shelf

I’m missing cups of tea, I could really do with a brew

And Camembert Cheese and Mayonnaise baby doesn’t want those too.

Sleep deprivation and tiredness they said

It begins with midnight snacks and trips to the loo

Ping! We are wide awake again making lists of things to do

I nearly blew up the microwave by leaving the food out of it the other day

Feeling like a failure of the easy stuff every day

Tell me fuzzy baby brain eventually goes away.

The thought of going into labour fills me with some dread

All I want to do right now is just stay in my bed

But this is a brilliant time in life, all the people say

Pregnancy feels amazing in its own special way

That’ll be the newly developing itchy rash

Or being bloated and completely filled with unspent gas

My body’s working overtime to make this little person from within

Neglecting its other duties like looking nice and staying slim

I really can’t wait to meet him, or her, or it, or them

Our first scan’s coming up real soon

Oh lord don’t make it twins

But it is with utter happiness

We’re announcing our wonderful news

A little bundle of joy is coming from the stork

Oh if only it was that easy, I sigh

As I spread butter with a fork.

THE END

Since writing this poem a few days ago, we have had the first scan, and all is well with the baby and we are all delighted.