How to be a Successful Baby

Hello, my name is George Lochlan Reiver Lubbock, I’ve been on the planet for five and a bit months now.  I don’t know how long that is, as I haven’t really learned how to count yet, but that’s what I hear my mum saying a lot if we go out shopping.

I live with my mum and dad on a farm along with my two noisy dogs who like to wake me up by barking at the wind, wagging their tails in my face when I’m on my play mat and scuffing autumn leaves and mud at me if I’m out in my buggy.  I’m guessing they got way more attention from my mum and dad before I came along.  

My mum takes me on training days to help her with her independent writing, and I'm picking up a few skills myself. This week we attended the Business Gateway conference in Kelso, I listened to entrepreneurs talking about how to be a success and met some great people.

This morning, as I was reading the paper, I thought, you know what George Lochlan Reiver, you pretty much have this being a baby thing nailed, why not share with other little folks some of your knowledge and wisdom, as to just how to to be a successful baby. So I thought I'd write my first post.

Here are a few tips to help you on your way to being the best baby possible.

Start the day the best possible way

I like to start my day between 4.30am and 5.30am, I go into my mum and dad’s bed for a cuddle and keep my mum focussed by kicking her in the stomach or punching her boob.  If that doesn’t work, I’d suggest screaming in her ear and then smiling when she opens her eyes. Don’t forget the smile. She copies you right back and starts smiling too, it’s nice to see your mum smiling first thing in the morning.

I then get escorted downstairs, where I insist that we all listen to two songs, on repeat, to gee us up for the rest of the day.  Those winners are the Bare Necessities and I Wanna Be Like You from the Jungle Book.  They are fantastic and my parents love the songs, they know all the words.

Enjoy a snooze

At about 7.30am I like to enjoy a snooze for about half an hour. This is not to be mistaken for a power nap, which I usually have sometime mid-morning to recharge my batteries. Make sure this snooze is not long enough for the parentals to go back to bed, you’ve only just got them up!

Power Nap

These are fantastic, a quick way to recharge your batteries when you’ve been playing for a while and are starting to feel a bit tired.  Give your mum enough time to run downstairs to put the kettle on, but not enough to make a cup of tea, she’ll have a biscuit with it and she’s trying to watch her weight, and she doesn’t share biscuits with you anyway as they’ve got this thing called “sugar” in them which you’re not allowed.

Wait till their Attention is Diverted

I’ve found the funniest thing to do is wait till your parents aren’t looking to do something amazing, they run right at you no matter where they were in the room and grab you and make a lot of fuss over you.  I found this worked particularly well when I found a new noise in my vocal range, my high-pitched scream. It only worked a few times now they roll their eyes at me. But I use it at least fifty times a day, just to check.

Throw Stuff on the Floor

Now that I’m learning how to use my hands, and they’re still a bit tricky to control, I like to drop things on the floor. I’ve found things get heavy really quickly once I’ve managed to pick them up, so the best thing to do is just drop them again.

Socks

I don’t know why the parents put these little things on my toes, my toes are just awesome and I love showing them to people. However as I’m getting better with my hands, I can pull those little socks right off and drop them on the floor, wherever we are. Who needs them anyway?

Remember my little Baby Buddies, until next time, you are the centre of the universe, all you have to do is smile or scream and everything will come your way.